“It’s too much to do right now.”
“It’s been too long.”
“You could, but you can’t until…”
These are just a few of the sentences that have run through my mind lately. The past year has been, for many of us, exhausting. There is so much to do, and so little time. So many responsibilities and expectations that all the things we say we want to do get drowned out under the waves of a busy day.. Everyday!
I look at the last article up on Lifeskillpoints, and it makes me cringe. Where are the features? The artwork? The connecting people in a way that we can learn from one another? Distractions ontop of distractions in the dual forms of responsibility and recreation have led me to a point where it’s impossibly easy to let another day go by without an update. I have this imaginary inflexible order to the type content I want to publish, and instead of adapting around it, I use it as an excuse to neglect my dreams.
Today, I put yesterday away. I sat down, closed my eyes, and I breathed. I took a moment away from everything and everyone, and entered my inner universe. I breathed. Flowing through the doubt, past the fear, acknowledging the anger…
And I listened. And I became present. I allowed myself not to worry about what could, or did, happen, but in trying to do so I started to get distracted. My breath recentered me, I took control of my focus, and I went back to listening. To myself. In doing so I was able to remember who I was, and what I wanted. Instead of thinking about why I was down, and the challenges infront of me, I remembered all of the accomplishments -however small- that’s shapes who I am. I remembered all the things I wanted to do going forward, and how I could achieve them.
The world is made up of tangle of ambitions. Everyone wants to think of themselves of strong in some kind of way, of competent and capable. The ultimate test of that strength is how well you can carry your aspirations out of your thoughts and into the physical world. Sometimes it feels like you’re climbing a stairs to nowhere, but a wise man once told me that it isn’t a staircase; its an escalator. You are progressing, however slow, but the speed of your rise depends on how much energy you are willing to put into it.
Nothing steals energy faster than negative thoughts. I had to address this. I had to tell myself that what has happened has happened, and it is a scar and a lesson. Whatever will happen, I will face it, I will survive it, and I will store it in my history as another lesson. Another step on the escalator. Today, I put yesterday away. In doing so, I renewed my focus on controlling my future.
As we all must.